Viva Las Vague-Us

Had quite the weekend with our closest male and female homies to celebrate a 21st birthday. If there's one thing DK can do, it's get drunk wearing dresses with serious side boob. We've got class out the ass.

Quotes out of context from a weekend in Vegas with our best friends:

"I should've picked uglier friends."

"I got drunk and bought a homeless man a subway sandwich."

"Lets just say what happens in Vegas should not come back with us...........dude, that's not even the quote."

"Those sticky boobs look like chicken cutlets."

"My bruises look like rich mahogany."

"Lets throw some ones on some hoes."

"I tweeted a picture I don't remember taking and the caption is just '#tiesto'. I feel like a club promoter."

"I feel like Kesha. There's glitter everywhere."

"I always send my mom drunk pictures."

"I'm like the black-out swan."

"DUDE I DIDN'T KNOW THIS WAS THE STICKY BOOB DRYING STATION!"

"I think there's just a lot of sad people here who are trying to be happy."

"You're the kind of girl I'd wanna ask for her email address."

"I feel so sorry for the strippers. I mean... they probably have families."

"That guy asked me to give him a blow job but that's okay, we're friends now."

"WHY is there traffic in the middle of the desert this is not a thriving metropolis."

"Those guys just asked me to suck their dick. That's disgusting."

"I hope I don't get a disease from the water at Encore because when we were jumping up and down some went inside of me."

"What's your name, lady? Charm? Is that short for Charmander?"

"Yeah I had to close my eyes for a second after I drank that Fireball."

"I puked... but its a secret."

"I'm not wasted. I'm on ecstasy. Ecstasy allows me to see true beauty." (Trashy)

"How's your walk with God?"

"When are we going to Hackey Sack.....?It's Hakkisan"

"Someone pour me a drink I'm dry as a bone."

"Yeah we put child lock on the doors because we don't trust people who use Droids!!"

"There's no caramel in my caramel macchiato. Am I gonna have to go to a fucking Walgreens and supply my own caramel?"

"Red Bull is a gateway drink."

"I woke up with your head between my legs and the couch and I was like...hello."

"DONT TALK ABOUT MY BOOBS!"

"This weight scale in the bathroom measures how Mexican you are."

"Every part of Von's smells like shit EXCEPT the bathroom."

"Why is "lesbian" attached to my name contact in your phone?"

"Top ten moments in my life...when we Eiffel towered and caressed the hair of that couple grinding at the nightclub."

"Bakersfield is where dreams go to die."

"Dude you have such gnarly bedroom eyes."

"God my friends are so ethnically diverse."

"There is some serious meth-cooking going on in that trailer."

"Can we pre-game to Tarzan pandora?"

"I tried to open the bathroom door with a tab from a Red Bull at 8 am this morning."

"The bathroom is so scary when you're sleeping in it."

"My feet hurt so bad I literally started dancing on one foot."

"The sign on the bathroom says they prohibit drug use at the hotel, but then they put a knee-high granite countertop above all their toilets. Mixed signals as fuck."

"This speech is going to be short and perfect just like me."

"Fuck you."

It's a real life thing, that you're not allowed to enter the beautiful promised land of Las Vegas, Nevada without blasting Yeezy's Can't Tell Me Nothing. 

Also- when in Vegas. Go to Light nightclub. It's dope.

And seriously, DONT DO DRUGS. We party, but were not idiots. Drugs are never cool.

Hugs (not drugs),

DK

List: Abercrombie & Bitch

Hey Friends & Abercrombie Zombies -

Dropping in after a long absence to let you know that there are some things we don't stand for. And since we are not shy to share those God forsaken things with you, we figured we'd let everyone in on a little secret.

Abercrombie & Fitch is gay.

If someone has told you otherwise- they hate you. Re-evaluate that friendship.

To back our point we've compiled a list of talking points to help you get through and dominate in a "Abercrombie is fucking lame" spoken battle with someone. 

These are accurate points, people. The real shit. It's 100% accurate, 100% of the time.
Things you can assume about someone if they are wearing Abercrombie and Fitch:

• Almost always from the midwest. Or Europe. They've got all kinds of fucked up shit over there.

• Doesn't have a problem with wearing man sandals. Which is never okay. See Things That Should Have Never Existed.

• Choose Ed Hardy as an alternative lifestyle choice.

• Probably play lacrosse. LAX IS LYFE. This applies strictly to males.

• Totally a douchebag. In every way.

• Absolutely wears a shark tooth necklace.

• They think it's normal to gel their hair. Which ps - Not sure if you've seen Jersey Shore... but it's not.

• They're lazy as fuck. But that's no excuse.

• ...might be Israeli.

Here's the real skinny though -

A. Their CEO is a fucking DICK. It's awesome. He literally said, "People said we were cynical, that we were sexualizing little girls. But you know what? I still think those are cute underwear for little girls."

HUH? Underwear... and little girls... in the same sentence. Jesus Christ.

Or how about, "In every school there are the cool and popular kids, and then there are the not-so-cool kids."

Spoken like a true mother-fucker.

B. People might say that homies who wear Abercrombie & Fitch are preppy "followers" but honestly I gotta hand it to them... I think they have some serious bawls.

I mean... I would never be caught dead wearing Abercrombie & Fitch. I must be a real pussy.


Take it away boys,

Discount Knowledge

List: People That Suck and People That Actually Suck

ALOHA SUCKERS,

Some people suck, some people actually, totally suck. Here's a list. If you can think of any gems, send them our way @DK_daily. Caution: Don't get too worked up.

See below for further information regarding the title of this post:

People that suck:

1. Satan: you know why.
2. Hitler: you also know why. 
3. Rappers (white?) and rapers: honestly, they're all the same to me. Abuse through words, abuse through penetration (not a good enough reason to use the word penetrate...)
4. Your psycho ex.
5. Your boyfriend's psycho ex.
6. The bitch you're thinking of in your head right now. You're right. She's ugly.
7. Cuba Gooding Jr.: See Snow Dogs.

What Happens in Vegas- always a classic. I particularly like those subtitles from some language that I'm not smart enough to know. 

People that actually suck:

1. Sorority girls: Talk about identity crisis, you all look the fuckin' same. Not to mention, no one ever pulled back the black curtain that is the cost of being in a Sorority. Not just for your Daddy's wallet, but for your reputation. Is sorority "rush" when all sisters jam all social networks as fast as humanly possible with Instagrams of them in the same fluffy, color coordinated dresses and kitten heels? Because by all means, make it slow down. It's all shits and giggles until we realize that sororities are breeding colonies for blonde clones made of silicone and herpes that we can't program to ACTUALLY like each other. Lastly, due to an insane amount of "secrecy," we feel Sororities are the real founders of the Illuminati. Forget the Freemasons. It's more like free beer, and free sex, free friends, and free...wait shit, that sounds awesome. fuck.

(Shout out to the ironic Indians that own sweat shops in Narnia and make all their branded Greek-letter gear. Bitches put down bank to buy the yoga pants with their rhinestoned Greek-letter pun of choice. I.e. Delta GLAMma, Definitely DG, Life's a PHIesta)

1. People that think their mediocre jobs are the coolest things ever: You are insignificant. Please stop posting things about you and your "career." Making "sales" on the "floor" at Best Buy does not, in any way, make you a business man...or worthy of my Facebook like. (See awkward poetry in the video to the right).
2. People who make snarky comments about how drunk you were the night before: Although we may not be aware of how drunk we were, we don't want to be reminded. 

How they think this conversation is going to play out:

Dude: "Oh hey! How was your spring break? I heard you got pretty sloshed with the dudes last night, eh?!"

DK: "Yeah! It was a really good time. I was so hammered. Total shit show! Thanks for addressing my sexcapades in front of every person we know!"

How the conversation actually plays out:

Dude: "Oh hey! How was your spring break? I heard you got pretty sloshed with the dudes last night, eh?!"

DK: "........Fuck yourself, dingus."

3. Personal Facebook status people: While we can not point fingers at venting annoyances with everything and anything online, we try not to show actual feelings or express actual kindness. Ever. If you personally struggle with being-too-personal-on-social-media syndrome, please, start your own blog, and hide the link forever.

4. People that yell "slow down!" in residential areas or at cross walks: Honestly, fuck those people. I'm not going to hit your dog or your kid. Silly bitches, roads are for cars. (see Will Ferrell).

5. That "Spanish" friend, who is totally white, and grew up in Orange County, that suddenly gets an accent when ordering Mexican food: Alright, Gringa. We've all been to Santa Ana, no need to contribute to the conversation with the "correct"pronunciation a.k.a SåñtAñå (san-tah-an-yah). Like homie, please do not order a Qüéså∂îllå (kay-sah-DEE-jyah) at the Del Taco window. You don't see me ordering hot dogs and apple pies like I'm a Confederate fucking soldier. Confusing for the rest of us who grew up believing in Santa Claus (San-Ta-Cl-Aws).

6. Nicholas Cage. with Keanu Reeves at a close second, but The Knowing gave good ol' Nich a second wind. 

-DaKlap

Don't forget to follow us on Twitter for more trill life shit. @DK_daily @DK_daily @DK_daily

Miley Cyrus's Best Decisions

HAPPY TUESDAY TO THOSE OF YOU READING THIS IN THE OTHER HEMISPHERE!

To continue the series of Celebrities Best Decisions we move right along to the beautiful, bucktoothed, and talented tween star,  "destiny" Miley Ray Cyrus. Miley. Even though now she may be better known for being a ganja loving pot head with a potty mouth, she was once a kick ass child star with mega pipes and a ticket for the genetic lottery. Many the milessssss...

1. Hannah Montana

2. Getting (and staying) Engaged to Liam Hemsworth

3. Doing Pilates

4. Changing Her Name To "Miley."

Does this mean that if she had kids...they would be...Destiny's child? Is that copyright infringement?

5. The Last Song

6. Having the Best Brown Hair Ever.

7. Dressing Freakishly Well

Thank you, Emilio Pucci... Thank you.

8. Party In The USA / Liberty Walk / Songs About American Freedom

"Well alright (Alright)
Yeah yeah (Yeah yeah)
We gonna get it
When we live it, live it (Oooh!)
Well alright (Alright)
Yeah yeah (Yeah yeah)
We gonna get it
When we live it, live it
Woah woah oooh"

-Miley Ray Cyrus

Well said, Miley. Land of the free and home of slave. Semper Fi.

Let freedom ring.

9. The Bun (and her bun's Twitter).

10. Inventor of the "Side Boob."

WALL OF SHAME MOMENT

Above getting caught for smoking salvia - the haircut, takes the place as worst Miley Cyrus decision of all time. A photo is not necessary.

Also- her twerking video is fucked. Breaks my achy breaky heart.

Thanks Billy Ray,

-DKay

Twins Host Red Bull Thre3style University-Orange County!

This Thursday, February 21, 2013, Biola is involved in something actually interesting. This Thursday college DJs from schools across Orange County will compete for the coveted title of Red Bull Thre3style U Champion – a title that comes with bragging rights; cash prizes; a stamp of approval from some of the best DJs in Orange County.


Since we're fanonymous bloggers from SoCal who are more than obviously involved in the college scene we decided we'd do our first interview piece on this sick spin competition. Due to anonymities and DK behavior, we made this meeting discreet and as real as possible. We met up with the face(s) of the event, The Mauriello Twins. Thomas and Michael Mauriello are the trendiest and most comical bastards we've ever had the pleasure of meeting. The twins are infamous at Biola University and are senior art majors. Even though we don't understand the whole foundation of Bible universities and that's not exactly a can we're willing to pop open, we're going to slowly slide right through that awkward elephant in the room and get right into the part we enjoyed - talking to these identical bad boys.

DK: What made you want to host Red Bull Thre3style U?
M: We got asked by a friend to host the event after they had seen us MC Biola's Punk N Pie talent show last fall. We're members of the comedy club and we like to be on stage together so we figured it'd be fun and a good thing to put on our resume's (laughs).

DK: Hell yeah. Have you guys ever considered doing solo work? Or is that an awkward question?
M: Not at all! We've never really thought about it but I'm sure at some point in our lives we're going to have to part ways. Like maybe when we get married. But then again, maybe not... (laughs). As far as comedy and acting goes, we like to be together since obviously we have that twin telekinesis thing going on.

DK: Hear a rumor you guys have your own drink special at the bar? Are you allowed to tell me more about that?
M: I mean yeah, I think so. We have a drink named after us behind the bar at Yost called the 'Mauriello.' Which we think is hilarious. Gettin' drunk on dem Mauriello's! (laughs). I think it's Jaeger and Red Bull, so things are gonna get pretty feisty up in the Yost.

DK: Last question... tell me a little more about the event. If you had to describe it in 5 words what would those words be?
M: Threestyle is a Dj competition where each DJ is in college and they have to play more than 3 genres in their set. Our friend said it gets pretty crazy. Apparently people get into battle mode and play like Call of Duty shot gun sounds. So good luck. But it's crazy... Loud. Different. Um... we're gonna be funny. So funny. (laughs). Musical and rowdy. I've always sucked at that interview question. Maybe we're not that funny.

See you there, discounters. Or will we? #anonymousbloggerproblems. ;)

FREE EVENT / 18+ / YOST THEATRE / FEB 21

Resolution

Hi

Well it's that time again. Where we look at the past year and realize that all those resolutions we made last January 1st didn't happen. Ever wonder why?
Here are all of your resolutions that you swear are going to happen this upcoming year... And here are the reasons why they don't last more than a month.

1. To Stop Drinking- this doesn't happen because you realize that your life without alcohol is a lot less fun. The more sober time that passes the more friends you slowly lose because they all realize that you're boring as fuck when not smashed. (Weed is also included in this)
2. Get Straight A's- this fails because after a month of being a soberless loser with no friends you finally give in and start drinking excessive amounts to make up for lost time. Vodka becomes your main priority and school doesn't even make the priority list.
3. Volunteer- I'll admit to this being mine for the past couple of years, and I always start off strong. I'd volunteer at the soup kitchen once a week for the entire month of January and then once it's February... I just... forget. There's no particular reason besides just being lazy as fuck and telling myself that nobody will even notice that I'm not there today... or the rest of the year. Everyone there refers to me as "January." Not creative but whatever.
4. Get Fit- It's hard to lose a beer belly when you're drinking your weight in beer Wednesday- Sunday.
5. "Manage Stress"- This is just dumb. Life is stressful. Put on your big girl panties, drink a Red Bull, and slap a fucking smile on your face. Bye.


So this year I decided to not make resolutions... I know they're going to fail anyways. Why set myself up for automatic failure?
What's that one saying... It's better to not feel anything at all then to love and get hurt..? I think I worded some things wrong... and I'm pretty sure it's backwards. Oh well!


-DK

Email us your best New Years stories so we can laugh at how much your life sucks @ discountknowledge@gmail.com

Today In History: Week 3

HAPPY FINALS WEEK! At least for me it is. Slash I'm pretty stoked I just got a Spotify account (idk why I'm just now doing this, it's ridiculous how behind I am on trends) and it rocks, is there an app for it so I can jam in my car with it? I sound like my dad, FAWK.

<~Today In History~>
On December 10, 1955, the Mighty Mouse Playhouse premiered on television. ALRIGHT this fun fact actually rocks. I use to love that shit. I use to eat that shit up with a fucking plastic golden spoon. Of course I watched re-runs since my parents were like not even born yet.
For those of you sheltered a-holes, this is Mighty Mouse:

 

Adorable right?

Alright well it this lil dude actually appeared in movies from 1942-1961. But he got his big break in a hit cartoon show in 1955. 

God, he's so cute. I imagine my little hamster dressed up like that. It really brings a smile to my face (what the literal fuck did I just say).

Anyways, have fun with this video.

  

Mighty Mouse Playhouse Theme Song

Enjoi!

-DK