Had quite the weekend with our closest male and female homies to celebrate a 21st birthday. If there's one thing DK can do, it's get drunk wearing dresses with serious side boob. We've got class out the ass.
"I should've picked uglier friends."
"I got drunk and bought a homeless man a subway sandwich."
"Lets just say what happens in Vegas should not come back with us...........dude, that's not even the quote."
"Those sticky boobs look like chicken cutlets."
"My bruises look like rich mahogany."
"Lets throw some ones on some hoes."
"I tweeted a picture I don't remember taking and the caption is just '#tiesto'. I feel like a club promoter."
"I feel like Kesha. There's glitter everywhere."
"I always send my mom drunk pictures."
"I'm like the black-out swan."
"DUDE I DIDN'T KNOW THIS WAS THE STICKY BOOB DRYING STATION!"
"I think there's just a lot of sad people here who are trying to be happy."
"You're the kind of girl I'd wanna ask for her email address."
"I feel so sorry for the strippers. I mean... they probably have families."
"That guy asked me to give him a blow job but that's okay, we're friends now."
"WHY is there traffic in the middle of the desert this is not a thriving metropolis."
"Those guys just asked me to suck their dick. That's disgusting."
"I hope I don't get a disease from the water at Encore because when we were jumping up and down some went inside of me."
"What's your name, lady? Charm? Is that short for Charmander?"
"Yeah I had to close my eyes for a second after I drank that Fireball."
"I puked... but its a secret."
"I'm not wasted. I'm on ecstasy. Ecstasy allows me to see true beauty." (Trashy)
"How's your walk with God?"
"When are we going to Hackey Sack.....?It's Hakkisan"
"Someone pour me a drink I'm dry as a bone."
"Yeah we put child lock on the doors because we don't trust people who use Droids!!"
"There's no caramel in my caramel macchiato. Am I gonna have to go to a fucking Walgreens and supply my own caramel?"
"Red Bull is a gateway drink."
"I woke up with your head between my legs and the couch and I was like...hello."
"DONT TALK ABOUT MY BOOBS!"
"This weight scale in the bathroom measures how Mexican you are."
"Every part of Von's smells like shit EXCEPT the bathroom."
"Why is "lesbian" attached to my name contact in your phone?"
"Top ten moments in my life...when we Eiffel towered and caressed the hair of that couple grinding at the nightclub."
"Bakersfield is where dreams go to die."
"Dude you have such gnarly bedroom eyes."
"God my friends are so ethnically diverse."
"There is some serious meth-cooking going on in that trailer."
"Can we pre-game to Tarzan pandora?"
"I tried to open the bathroom door with a tab from a Red Bull at 8 am this morning."
"The bathroom is so scary when you're sleeping in it."
"My feet hurt so bad I literally started dancing on one foot."
"The sign on the bathroom says they prohibit drug use at the hotel, but then they put a knee-high granite countertop above all their toilets. Mixed signals as fuck."
"This speech is going to be short and perfect just like me."
"Fuck you."
It's a real life thing, that you're not allowed to enter the beautiful promised land of Las Vegas, Nevada without blasting Yeezy's Can't Tell Me Nothing.
Also- when in Vegas. Go to Light nightclub. It's dope.
And seriously, DONT DO DRUGS. We party, but were not idiots. Drugs are never cool.
Hugs (not drugs),
DK
hahahahahahahahahahahahahhahhahahaha this is gold
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