Resolution

Hi

Well it's that time again. Where we look at the past year and realize that all those resolutions we made last January 1st didn't happen. Ever wonder why?
Here are all of your resolutions that you swear are going to happen this upcoming year... And here are the reasons why they don't last more than a month.

1. To Stop Drinking- this doesn't happen because you realize that your life without alcohol is a lot less fun. The more sober time that passes the more friends you slowly lose because they all realize that you're boring as fuck when not smashed. (Weed is also included in this)
2. Get Straight A's- this fails because after a month of being a soberless loser with no friends you finally give in and start drinking excessive amounts to make up for lost time. Vodka becomes your main priority and school doesn't even make the priority list.
3. Volunteer- I'll admit to this being mine for the past couple of years, and I always start off strong. I'd volunteer at the soup kitchen once a week for the entire month of January and then once it's February... I just... forget. There's no particular reason besides just being lazy as fuck and telling myself that nobody will even notice that I'm not there today... or the rest of the year. Everyone there refers to me as "January." Not creative but whatever.
4. Get Fit- It's hard to lose a beer belly when you're drinking your weight in beer Wednesday- Sunday.
5. "Manage Stress"- This is just dumb. Life is stressful. Put on your big girl panties, drink a Red Bull, and slap a fucking smile on your face. Bye.


So this year I decided to not make resolutions... I know they're going to fail anyways. Why set myself up for automatic failure?
What's that one saying... It's better to not feel anything at all then to love and get hurt..? I think I worded some things wrong... and I'm pretty sure it's backwards. Oh well!


-DK

Email us your best New Years stories so we can laugh at how much your life sucks @ discountknowledge@gmail.com