We all know we're infamous for giving extraordinary advice. Let me set up a situation for you: You're at a bar with some dudes. You're crushing hard on one of them. You start telling everyone at the bar that you and your new arm candy just got engaged so everyone will buy you drinkz4free. Everyones eating that shit up and loving on y'all hard. You go home as a duo and start the real party. Blatant, but accurate.
Here's a list of things you should never say in sexually intimate situations:
1. It looked bigger in the picture -There are a plethora of issues with this. First, the obviously emasculating reason. Second, nudey texts stopped being socially acceptable a million plus years ago.
2. Shit, It's in my eye- Ill let you draw a conclusion on that one.
3. Will you marry me? - He wont.
4. Do you like butt plugs? - Even typing this made me uncomfortable.
5. Can you wear this? -
7. I need to shit. - If you're in any way attracted to this guy, don't talk about your bowel movements. Or there wont ever be a sexually intimate situation given to you to ruin.
8. So... where ya from? - Not the time.
9. (Insert Name), I am your Father. - Actually. Anytime is a good time for a choice Star Wars reference. He'll probably get a boner.
10. Whats your name again? - Cliche.
11. I got it from my Mama - I made a special number 11 exception for this one. The Black Eyed Peas shouldn't have said it, you should learn from their mistakes and also not say it.
Good luck,
-DK
Send us your cockward stories. We all have them. @DK_Daily.
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