List: Road Rage Brigade

We may post about driving a lot, but it's just such a fucked up pastime. This post isn't intended to be funny, it's intended to "heal the world, make it a better place." -Michael Jackson

Hit the road jack offs:
1. When people use their turn signals inappropriately. If the lane is curving, we are all turning, not just you. Or when people don't know their turn signal is on. Can't you hear it clicking?! Blind and deaf people driving give me road rage.
2. People who know their lane is about to merge but they wait until the last second to get over to cut the line. That is the main reason I hate living in Los Angeles. There's nothing funny about it, so I have nothing to say.
3. When people get pissed at me for merging a little too close for comfort in front of them (maybe I did, maybe I didn't) and they flash their BRIGHTS on me. I will roll up to you and tell you I'm gonna eat your babies all angry but I will NEVER shine my brights on you. What if I had epilepsy?! That's such a pussy way to go about things, like dumping someone via text message. Fucked out.
4. Rice Rockets. Asian gangster cars. A decked out Honda Civic with a kitchenette in the back. Low riders. Cars with hydraulics. Too fast, too furious. Rims, frames, and any sort of neon spinners.
5. When people jack off while driving. This includes road dome. Your life is too busy if you're choking the chicken on the go. The knuckle shuffle on your piss pump.
6. Kia Souls. Especially in green.
7. People who drive anything less than 10 over in the left hand lane. You need to be going faster. Hence why people are passing you. And chances are, they're rim jobbing the car in front of them straight tailgate style.
8. People who hesitate. If you're gonna turn left, turn left. This "shaking" and unsure shit is not fly with me. At least PRETEND you know where you're going.
9. Old people, in general. 40+.
10. People/children who distract me by watching movies in the backseat of their car. ALSO- why is it ALWAYS Spongebob or Kung Fu Panda?! It's like Kung Fu Panda came Pre-downloaded in every Cadillac Escalade.

Good luck out there. It's a mad world.
By the way, if you guys come up with any other jacking-off euphemisms let me know.
-DK