List: Shit my mom says

Sorry we fell off the grid the past couple days. But we're coming in hot with a list of shit my mom says. This isn't one of those YouTube videos that's like "Shit My Boyfriend Says" when it's shit nobodies boyfriend has ever said. This is an actual list of stuff my mom has outright said in real life.

My mom is hilarious and awesome, but she gets tongue tied all the time. So I decided to start writing down everything she says. Like she did for me when I was two. "Shit My Baby Says."

Here she goes mates:

1. "Would you look at that shit!" -when referring to queso dip.
2. "Look at those gays" -she meant to say "look at those gay guys," but I guess her mouth decided to combine the words, without informing her brain.
3. "Even you got it, you dumbass." -speaking to her only daughter.
4. "Ya. Never tasted a roofie before." Me neither? Let's hope we never do?
5. "We used to fill condoms with vodka, poke holes in the bottom, and shot gun them"
6. "I've never been a guzzler." -that's disgusting.
7. "I mean...they're fucking dykes" -no comment.
8. "Dont be a pussy." because she finished her shot before me.
9. She always says "you should hook up with them later." When really she's trying to say "hang out" or "get together later." #generational #issues
10. "Look alive, grandma!" -at a grandma.

As you can see I get my humor from my mother. Looks like I won the genetic lottery.
-DK