To continue the stalker stories... Here's one from the stone age about a young Pre teen adult named A. Pretty Little Liars, I hope you didn't TM that letter as a name because I'm about to fuckin use it.
It was freshman year in high school. Which is my low key way of telling you, we were heinous, and had unibrows. We couldn't even get the ugly band freshman boys to like us, so why we thought we ever stood a chance with a sophomore boy was beyond me. When your moms say that you're a beaut and you can have any guy at that school, they're setting you up for failure. That's important to remember, kids.
A was a beautiful 15 year old man, with perfect blue eyes and a perfect smile. He was a real gem one day, and felt like spoiling us when he joined our seventh period study hall class. WHAT! Little did he know he wasn't only signing up for a class... But also for a year of being stalked by the most unattractive and creepy girls in the world, on the house. Free of charge. He did not have to pay for any of our services.
Our stalking started off light dumbbell status... Just memorizing his schedule and waiting outside of the bathroom for him... But then it started to escalade to heavy weights as the year progressed.
One night, on the eve of Halloween, we tried to cast a spell on him. Yes, you read that shit right. IM NOT SAYING IM PROUD OF IT. Any young wizard would have done the same!
When we started to realize that he would never actually talk to us we decided that we would just worship him from a far (and by far I mean five inches away at the desk next to him).
We would record our love for him in a diary that is now buried somewhere in the mountains.
Here's a list of things to do when you want someone to fall in love with you when you're 15:
1. Morphed my face, his face, and a babies face together to see what our children would look like (thank you graphic design class). Let me just say, that they we're fucking top notch.
2. Photoshopped my face and his face on Gwen Stefani's wedding photos.
3. Cut out a picture of him and put it into a heart locket that I wore everyday underneath my shirt...next to my heart...
4. Ask to borrow pencils...every fucking day... And would keep the pencils in a box that I labeled "Alex's pencils" I was creative.
5. Forced him to sign our yearbooks where him and his friends drew dirty pictures because they knew we were creepasaurus rexs. They also wrote his number on it with a little side note that said "call me for a good time."
Four years went by, and our creepy crushes sizzled down as we became normal human beings and not creepy ass motherfucks. We never talked to him during those four years nor did we continue to follow him around. We also grew up a lot (and by that I mean got significantly hotter. since we couldn't have gotten uglier).
After graduation, we went through this phase where we would get super hammered, make out with boys, and attempt to boyfriend them for a tit. One day, while going through our old yearbooks, I came across A's number.....needless to say. I gave him a call.
A beer or two later (or less) I found myself in bed with A. It was the most epic slash best I ever had, Drake style.
Whoever said stalking doesn't pay off is a fucking retard. Because I'm living proof.
Never give up on your dreams my lil Discountees. Keep shinin' and keep stalking'
-DK
Ps. Don't ever do anything that we just told you to do.
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