List: I'VE BEEN FRAMED!

If I could have any job in the world, my fucking DREAM job would be creating sayings for license plate frames. or crayons. Have ya'll ever noticed how outrageously whorrible some frames are? DUDE! Just think, someone actually gets paid to come up with that shit, and i need to be that person sometime in the near future. Obviously, we know were getting a little uptight cranky about things that dont really matter, but dont try to tell me you dont read the frames in front of your car 24/7?!?


1. "A pirates life for me!"- Really? Because last time I watched Pirates of the Caribbean they weren't driving Toyota 4runners.
2. Anything that starts with "I'd rather be..."- Well then go do it. Stop driving around and go live out your dreams of hiking and snowboarding everyday!  No ones forcing you to drive. Really, we just want you to be happy.
3. "My other car is a Lamborghini"- Honestly my friend, props to you if it is, but you're not fooling anybody when you drive around a fucking toaster. 
4. "Final Score: Boys- 0, Girls-4" HA HA JOKES ON YOU! Good luck Dad when they all sync their periods together. 
5. "Worlds Greatest Grandma"- doubt it, because mine is.
6. "My child was student of the month at..." - Congrats! Your lil superstar, and every kid that went to my ghetto middle school that won those awards more than likely ended up drinking liquid heroine from a fire hose in their spare time. 
7. "Happiness is being _____, _______, and _______'s Papa!"- Im sure their all great kids, but the definition of happiness ACTUALLY is being on a yacht enroute to StageCoach Music Festival with a pina colada in hand, listening to Liberty Walk by Miley Cyrus.. Meanwhile, I'm floating on a reclining vat of Chloe bags and UNIF tanks while Matthew Gray Gubler massages my feet. Happiness. Look it up.
8. "Baby on board"- Alright, respect. Then I wont honk at you. Nap time. Point taken. But, are you trying to tell me to hit the person to the right of me as opposed to you because you have a baby in the car? It's called an accident for a reason dickbag. 
9. The plate frames from the car dealerships. Now you're just being lazy.
10. "Sorry Im swerving, Im drunk as fawk!" - just kidding, we've never seen that one.


When I start to become a famous license plate frame writer mine are going to be so prime.
Ex1: "I once was a woman."
Ex2: "I have a gun in my car."
Ex3: "I <3 Nickelback."

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