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Sunday, November 18, 2012

List: Girl Power

As the weekend comes to an end, I sit with a cheap oatmeal face mask on in my bath filled with no bubbles listening to country music really loud to drown out the eery moans of my roommate and his girlfriend en route to bone town (true life). This is my "special/relaxing" time that I set aside for myself every Sunday. La-la land, if you will.
Note: I'm in the bath as we speak, so I really hope I don't drop my phone in here while blogging. If that happens, I also hope that my phone doesn't magically turn into a blow dryer on its way down and blow up my house.

Anyways, as I sit here I think about this past weekends events. Friday: civil war battle in the kitchen with a 30 of Bud Light (Ew! Last time I ever send a ginger to get beer) with a couple of good friends. It was a pretty top night. Saturday wasn't too awesome of a day due to the severe hangover I had. But I managed to find it in myself to continue the party at night. While hitching a ride back to the house I was going to sleep at I got into a verbal drunk fight with this Aussie-boi about some real life shit. Enlightening.
The conversation started by me complaining about how the boy I like didn't kiss me (because one this weekend just wasn't enough). Then Aussie starts yelling at me saying that it's the girls job to make the first move. Wait. What. Since when!? Is it just me who thinks this is ridiculous or what? So this is when we got into our brawl.

Here is my list of reasons why girls can't make the first move:
1. You look creepy as FUCK. Even if previously it's stated that he thinks your hot or likes you, if you make the first move (ESPECIALLY in front of other people) and .05% of it goes wrong, you're toast. Done. He will forever associate you with that memory of how you drunkenly grabbed his face and you smacked front tooth's on the way in.
2.  You could be mistaken. Tomorrow, when you wake up, you'll remember how you force fed that soccer guy your tongue thinking he'd enjoy it, when really he thinks your ugly as shit and you just earned yourself a permanent ban from the soccer house parties and also a permanent place in every conversation those dudes have the next day.
3. You could ruin everything. We all have that one guy that plays the "your best friend" card at the parties. You've never hooked up, and you hang out alot. Translation: You're dangerously in love with him and you've never voiced it in fear of him being creeped out and not being buds anymore. If you make the first move, you can kiss (ironic) that "friendship" goodbye.
4. You could think you want to make the first move but in real life, you don't actually. This only happens because you had beer goggles on and suddenly your third cousin looked really attractive. When in doubt, just don't approach the subject.
5. Last but certainly not least. You shouldn't have to. This is America. Since the beginning of time the men have made the first moves. In Jurassic times, the male T-rex's approached (probably aggressively) the female T-rex's. If he likes you, he should do it.

Seriously, your first-move virginity card is one you should actually keep in your wallet, and remember what your Mom should've told you. Dudes always want what they can't have.

Thanks for watching,
-DKourting

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