List: Why does no one follow you on Twitter?

Buenos Dias Cocker Spaniards!

In todays lesson class, we are going to teach the art of Twitter. Twitter is basically the social media outlet of thoughts. Somewhat like the Facebook of status updates. People (Kim Kardashian) take Twitter really seriously and to be honest, the originality is lacking. People. Twitter is not like the microphones on handicapped peoples wheelchairs. Unlike those people, you dont NEED to speak your every word and thought into it. Not ALL of your thoughts can't be that supreme.

That being said, it has come to my attention that people struggle with the affirmation that is "follow backs" from the people that you "follow" on Twitter. Chances are these people wouldn't physically follow you around, so why do we care? If I see another "RT MY BEST FRIEND @needsfollowers SO SHE CAN HIT 320,008,338,750,238,400.89 FOLLOWERS!" I'll bury myself. Your Twitter app doesn't send you a fuckin muffin basket when you hit your first million, so what's the point? Tweet to tweet. Jesus only had 12 followers, you can deal, bro. #philosophy


Here is why no one follows you on Twitter:

1. You tweet too much. Twitter is your fuckin major and career choice and you will die with your twitter running. (Of course, you wouldn't die until you tweeted about it).
2. You're not funny. (Most Popular Issue) 
3. You try to trend every hash-tag. Excessive hashtags. #desperate #followme #instagood #instafuckyou
4. You're on private. Such a hassle.
5. When you have grammatical errors.
6. You're depressing as fuck. The Twitter handles specifically made for calling out your ex? Shut those down. If you follow @inspirationquotez or something, ten bucks says their last tweet was a little ditty something like this, "If you love something, set it free. #ifyoureabird #imabird" OH. right. I feel better now.
7. You dont have a picture or...
8. You have too many pictures. (of food).
9. You "promote."
10. You tw-alk shit.(I just really wanted to combine TW-and a word).

Seriously we need to stop being so angry. And hungry,
DK