In case the title didn't grind your mental gears hard enough, let me further explain. This is a list of things that girls say, that are complete horseshit. I guess you could use this list as a translator if you must. For instance: When they say one thing, and mean something completely different, even if they did it unintentionally. Little white pathological lies. That are always lies. 100% of all the time. Every time. DISCLAIMER: This list applies mostly to "those girls" and is strictly tunnel-visioned to annoying females. If you're leaning towards thinking you're "not annoying," you probably are extra, super plus sized, annoying. Congrat-a-fucking-lations! Who isn't nowadays!
Here is your guide to the female mind:
1. "I hate drama." - Red Flag. Get the hell out. Abandon ship. Any girl that says this is the most dramatic bitch on the planet. The solution: Ladies. Stop saying this. Every female in the world is laughing at you. Chill the fuck out, shit happens, and even boys know it.
2. "Im only friends with dudes."- Huge red flag. This just means she got in fights with all her girl friends and theres probably a legit reason why they dont all unanimously like her. OR. Shes a slut. The solution: Find some friends, or rent some friends. Buy friends in a sorority! Speed date!
3. "Im not like other girls." - THE HUGEST, BRIGHTEST, MOST RED FLAG. She's average. The solution: Honestly. Fuck you.
4. "I love the NFL." - Quiz them. In public. Please. They cant text their little brothers fast enough to answer your questions, and the truth will pour out. The solution: Stop being a dyke. Just dont say it.
5. "OMG, Girls are so annoying! They suck."- You may win the insecure boys affection for a minute or two while you comfort them during a breakup, but in the end... genetics win. and all signs show, you're still a fucking girl. The solution: Yeah, we are super annoying, but so are boys. Sadly... you're still a female. So sack the fuck up. It'll be over soon. What?
6. "I literally look so bad." - Reel your fishing rod back in, there is no fishing in this lake. We all can smell your fishy-ness. The solution: Everyone gets ready to leave their house. But, you can use this if you're having a super low self esteem day. There is a guaranteed, "Oh my god, no you dont, you're so friken pretty babe!" response.
7. "I didnt even do my hair today." - Ohhhhh. So why are we talking about it? Did you walk through a giant, life sized steamer that chemically straightened your entire afro? The solution: Become a more interesting person. Stop sucking so much.
8. "Ill call you right back." - No they wont. The solution: Call them again.
9. "Im not looking for a relationship either."- She wants a boyfriend so bad. Holy shit, she would voodoo you and manipulate your penis to make you her boyfriend. The solution: Date alot of people? Dig your teeth into that one stalker you always had. Make everyone happy! and.... dont say this one-liner either.
10. "I only listen to rap." - Not one person believes what you just said. You are a person whos shit is most definitely weak. Boys dont enjoy Nicki My-vaj, why would they enjoy you? The solution: Dont claim to be the biggest Notorious B.I.G. listener ever, because you just never know how obsessed the guy your with is. Guys love that shit. Learn some random words to rap songs so that when they casually come on unannounced you can blow their friken dicks off by knowing one verse. Boner achieved.
Godspeed, everyone. Keep an ear and pimp hand out and strong for these phrases, and dont be shy to call people out. Let us all exterminate the desperate female cries for attention one little bitch at a time!
Sparta,
-DK
Follow us and we will make shit happen. @DK_daily
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