List: Troll-ie Pollie Ollie

Our favorite comedian is Nick Swardson, he is soooo hilarious. One of his lil skitty dudes on Netflix is called "Seriously Who Farted?" (yes, this is the second time we've mentioned it on our blog because it is that big of a deal to us) and damn, I've watched it at least 37 times and Im still laughing. Y'all should take a look. In one part he talks about the best drunk text he has ever received. It said "Dude... Punched my best friend, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants." Sounds like my usual Tuesday evening.
This started making me think about the best texts I've gotten from my alcoholic friends... hence this list.


1. "I'm FUCKED OUT." Knowledge sent this bad boy to me a couple days ago when I was in bed sick and she was out cruisin' the town lone ranger. BUT this is hilarious. And we decided that we're permanently going to start saying "fucked out" instead of "fucked up." Just sounds classier.

2. "Mexican Dave. 3 chicken sft tacs. Chikck a carbn medium cherry ckev." This was a drunk Del Taco order I received last night. Fortunately for me Mexican Dave passed out before I got back, so I got to have that cherry ckev all to myself. Bowchickwawa

3. "U and me r like pees an carararts. with gravy nd chicen and pototeas. i fuckin luv u man." This descriptive text was emailed to us by Danielle K. from California. She said that she received it from her boyfriend at 10pm after he had previously told her that he was playing Monopoly with his younger sister... cockward.

4. "Thanks you. Good loom wright to consuming. love you. Pi." Sent this one to my mom a couple months back during finals week... I told her I wasn't drunk and that I was just delirious from studying so much. She believed me... until my final grade was posted.

5. "I just got punched in the face. Revelry. Best song ever. I love you more." Uh... A) are you okay? B) I didn't say I love you first. One of our lame friends texted this to us a few nights back. 

Honestly, I think drunk texting is an art form. But it's also pretty dangerous. I mostly just get super proper when I drunk text because I am trying to overcompensate for the fact that I'm drunk. Like "don't" turns into "do not" and "cannot" super weird. But I don't really send to many out because it's so hard to unlock my phone... even though I have a two letter password. 

Most people say don't drink and text... but Discount Knowledge encourages it. 
-DK




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