This is the story of me and my roommate. We've had many good times together through out the past year. We've held each others hair back while the other is throwing up, we've watched the other one be a drunk whore, we draw on people in sharpie when they pass out at parties (whether they took their shoes off or not), we cook for each other, he paints my nails. He's my bestie with a testie (I just made him sound like the biggest queer but he's not... that I know of yet). But nothing really compares to this story....
Shortly after moving in with my lil fucker of a roommate, he started searching for a job. After passing an interview and all that shit he had to go get a background check and a drug test done. Well since my roommate is a stone cold stoner he came to me for help. I was in class at the time that I received this lovely message:
Boy: "Hey, I was wondering if I could have some pee."
DK: "Are you asking me if you can drink pee?" (because what else would he be talking about?)
Boy: "No, Im asking you if I can have your pee."
Oh but of course... that makes more sense than what I had originally thought.
Feeling honored that out of all our friends he chose my pee, I ran home in between class, peed in a ziploc baggie, left a love letter wishing him good luck, and skipped back to class (feeling much lighter I might add).
As I was in my second class of the day I received a text message from my piss luvin' roommate saying: "Boy do I have a story to tell you when you get off class."
The suspense killed me. Theres nothing I love more than a good story (besides tequila).
Three hours later I made it back home to find my roommate awaiting my arrival. He tells me to sit down (now Im getting scared and think that Im about to be arrested for helping him fake a drug test... Im sweating). And then tells me this story:
"I couldn't fit your huge bag of piss in my pants (*I had a large water before hand... my bad*) so I decided to transfer your pee into a condom and tie it into a knot and stick it by my dick (*we're a classy bunch*). The only problem is... that I forgot a pencil to poke a hole into the bag. So when I got into the bathroom... I realized there was only one option. I decided to rip a hole in the bag... with my teeth (*my jaw now drops*). But when I bit the hole it kind of exploded everywhere and I only managed to get like one third of it in the cup. So hopefully it was enough."
DK: "So what your telling me is that you drank my piss...?"
RM: " Yes, it was more bitter than I was expecting."
.........................
................
He drank my piss.... my roommate, tasted my urine.
And from that point on I knew that this living situation was going to work.
Pissin the night away, pissin the night away! Chumbawamba is the soundtrack to my life (Fired up. Gr8 movie).
bitter sweet piss,
-DK
enjoy this music video. please.
"Smell Yo Dick" -Riskay
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