The party was lame and I was getting tired (aka too drunk to funk) so me and my bf Ben decided to walk back. Ben is a cool dude, I like him, hence why he was my boyfriend at the time.
He insisted that we couple costumed, and I agreed to it as long as I got to pick the costume. So... I was an American stripper, and he was a Japanese geisha. The whole sampler platter of global whores. Ben wasn't too stoked, but he went along with it because he knew he would get laid later. I don't half ass things, so I made him go balls to the wall (no pun intended). Turns out Ben looks really good cake-faced with makeup from the Orient.
Anyways, we were walking back when we noticed this homeless crack head dressed as a pirate on the corner. I started to drunkenly panic and Ben told me to ctfo. So I did.
Moments later, Captain Jack Sparrow crack-head-version-2.0 started to yell things at us and not so casually followed us home. Ben didn't think it was as funny. Most likely because the pirate was hardcore-parkour-more interested in him and his sweet-ass Mulan costume.
We ignored him as long as we could. We were almost back to his dorm when we noticed that we still weren't alone. Cracky had followed us all the way back. Then I started trippin (mentally and physically) and Ben was starting to get a little sketched out too.
Once we were safely padlocked inside, we celebrated dodging another homeless man anal rape scene. Like this shit happens all the time right?!
Unfortunately, pirate man stalked the house for weeks waiting to see his lil Japanesse prostitute (Ben). After awhile of not seeing her (him) he decided to move on with his life and go harass some Mexican prostitutes for a little bit. I assume.
Keep calm and stalk on,
-DK
(We love getting emails from you guys about stalker stories and other crazy things you kids do so keep it coming. And follow us twittwat @DK_daily)
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